Love Yourself Lovely - love yourself lean: Day #40

Theme

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Description

The art of responding

To Do

Don’t React

Don’t Overreact

Take a deep breath, then Act

Nourish Yourself

Do NOT feed the anger. Upsetting situations can affect digestion or lead to binge eating.... go easy

Get Up & Go!

Exercise self-control. Take out your angst on a punching bag or treadmill, not on a human being who has as much in the way of feelings as you have

Tools

Reason and rationality

Tips

Eight Simple Anger Management Tips

by David Leonhardt (http://www.successconsciousness.com/guest_articles/anger_management.htm)

"The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going."

One of the biggest obstacles to personal and career success is anger. When we fail to control our anger, we suffer several blows:

Anger impedes our ability to be happy, because anger and happiness are incompatible.
Anger sends marriages and other family relationships off-course.
Anger reduces our social skills, compromising other relationships, too.
Anger means lost business, because it destroys relationships.
Anger also means losing business that you could have won in a more gracious mood.
Anger leads to increased stress (ironic, since stress often increases anger).
We make mistakes when we are angry, because anger makes it harder to process information.

People are beginning to wake up to the dangers of anger and the need for anger management skills and strategies. Many people find anger easy to control. Yes, they do get angry. Everybody does. But some people find anger easier to manage than others. More people need to develop anger management skills.

Develop your anger management skills

For those who have a tough time controlling their anger, an anger management plan might help. Think of this as your emotional control class, and try these self-help anger management tips:

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #1
Ask yourself this question: "Will the object of my anger matter ten years from now?" Chances are, you will see things from a calmer perspective.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #2
Ask yourself: "What is the worst consequence of the object of my anger?" If someone cut in front of you at the book store check-out, you will probably find that three minutes is not such a big deal.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #3
Imagine yourself doing the same thing. Come on, admit that you sometimes cut in front of another driver, too ... sometimes by accident. Do you get angry at yourself?

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #4
Ask yourself this question: "Did that person do this to me on purpose?" In many cases, you will see that they were just careless or in a rush, and really did not mean you any harm.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #5
Try counting to ten before saying anything. This may not address the anger directly, but it can minimize the damage you will do while angry.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #6
Try some "new and improved" variations of counting to ten. For instance, try counting to ten with a deep slow breathe in between each number. Deep breathing -- from your diaphragm -- helps people relax.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #7
Or try pacing your numbers as you count. The old "one-steamboat-two-steamboat, etc." trick seems kind of lame to me. Steamboats are not the best devices to reduce your steam. How about "One-chocolate-ice-cream-two-chocolate-ice-cream", or use something else that you find either pleasant or humorous.

ANGER MANAGEMENT TIP #8
Visualize a relaxing experience. Close your eyes, and travel there in your mind. Make it your stress-free oasis.

One thing I do not recommend is "venting" your anger. Sure, a couple swift blows to your pillow might make you feel better (better, at least, than the same blows to the door!), but research shows that "venting" anger only increases it. In fact, speaking or acting with any emotion simply rehearses, practices and builds that emotion.

Tweak

Instead of fighting fire with fire, try fighting it with soothing, cleansing, purifying water..... if you really feel you must do someone in, kill them with kindness

Questions

When was the last time you overreacted? How did it make you feel? And what did you do about it afterward?

Thoughts

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it” - Charles R. Swindoll

“The possibilities are numerous once we decide to act and not react.” - George Bernard Shaw

“Adversity is a fact of life. It can't be controlled. What we can control is how we react to it.” - Anon

“When you respond to life, that's positive; when you react to life, that's negative.” - Zig Ziglar

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.” - Wayne Dyer

Tidbits

We tend to think of the British as remaining calm, cool and collected under all circumstances, but check out the following stats (from http://www.anger-management-action.com/anger-management-statistics.html)

Anger Management Statistics show just how far-flung anger is. The British Association of Anger Management has accumulated some revealing statistics based on the UK (2006):

45% of UK adults regularly lose their temper at work
33% of Britons are not on speaking terms with their neighbors
1 in 20 have had a fight with the person living next door
UK airlines reported 1,486 significant or serious acts of air rage in a year a 59% increase over the previous year
More than 80% of UK drivers say they have been involved in road rage incidents
When facing computer problems, 50% of Britons have reacted by hitting their PC, hurling parts of it, screaming or abusing their colleagues

Apparently in the States, our primary problem is ‘rudeness’. RudeBusters boasts a rude awakening of statistics on the subject here: http://www.rudebusters.com/who-says.htm

Treat

How to Reward Good Behavior: http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/stage_diet_strategies.asp?diet_stage=3&strategy_num=3

Blogs & Articles

Don’t React: Respond: http://www.feelgooder.com/don%E2%80%99t-react-respond/