The Magique of Merci
Description
xoxoxoxoxo
To Do
Make a concerted effort to show plainly your appreciation for those who bless and enrich your life
Nourish Yourself
Feed your relationships by showing your appreciation for thing big and small
Nothing says thank you like home-baked goods
Get Up & Go!
Make the effort! If words of appreciation fail you find a way to show your thanks by doing something helpful without being asked
2 little words
Tip
How to Say Thank You Without Notes, Quotes, or Photo Totes - Gratitude without grouchiness. No pens, printers or platitudes required.
Published on January 5, 2011 by Elaine Shpungin, Ph.D. in Peacemeal
“Showing Appreciation is like exercising and getting enough sleep: we know it's important for everyone and good for us - but we don't necessarily build it into our daily lives as much as we'd like.
Part of the reason is that Appreciation has become a high art - with hundreds of thank you quotes, letter-writing templates, gifts, and recognition ideas to choose, confuse, and intimidate.
That's why I'm grateful for this simple and brief Appreciation practice we do at our family meals and work meetings - borrowed from Myra Walden of the Institute for Empowering Communication.
- it's quick (no preparation, purchases, writing, or photo-printers required)
- it's easy (our daughter has been doing it since she was 2.5 yrs old)
- it's inclusive (it goes around and comes back to you)
- it's connecting (it lets you know you matter and reminds you that others contribute to your life)
- it's growth-inducing (it stretches your gratitude muscles - without any soreness!)
We have been doing these Appreciations in our family for over a year and while other appreciation practices we've tried have come and gone, this one has remained and become a favorite.
You know something is working well when the kids ask for it ("Appreciation Time!") and when a few minutes of Appreciations improves our collective mood even on our grumpiest, most uphill, nothing-is-going-right days.
I also use the Appreciations when I facilitate meetings at work - usually at the beginning - and in committees or work groups, usually as a closing ritual. Recently, one of my collegues appreciated my introduction of this practice during an Appreciation round.
How do the Appreciations work?
Everyone present takes turns sharing one specific, observable way in which someone else has made their life better (or contributed to that meeting). Everyone gets one turn and everyone gets appreciated once. If there are two of you - great - less keeping track!When we do this in our family, we usually go youngest to oldest, as the younger ones seem to benefit from not having to wait as long for their turn - and from having more choice (the later people have less choice as names get taken). Going in the same order every day also contributes to ease and predictability. However, once in a while we do switch it around and go oldest to youngest.
What is a specific, observable appreciation?
It has been our experience that people feel more appreciated when someone notices something specific they did to contribute to another, rather than expressing appreciation using a general description or compliment like "good" "helpful" "trustworthy" or "generous."
Example of specific and observable appreciations:
Instead of "I appreciate how helpful you were today," try:
"I appreciate that you helped me clean up my blocks today."
"I appreciate you covering for me when I went to that meeting this afternoon."
However, if this suggestion is intimidating or will freeze you up before you even start, don't worry about it! The important thing is to jump in and try it. Your meaning will come across if you are sincere - and after doing it for a while, you can play around with different ways of expressing gratitude to see what you prefer.
What if you have more than one appreciation for someone?
We have found that the flow works better and people feel more patient when we go around quickly and do everyone ONCE first, before doing "extras." After one round is done and everyone has been appreciated, people are more open to hearing extras for others in the group. This can be introduced simply by saying "Today I have one more for Molly..."
What if you can think of NOTHING to appreciate?
I admit that on some days (or for some people) it can be hard to come up with ANYTHING to appreciate (this is more likely to happen, of course, if you go last).
The important thing is not to panic or feel embarrassed. Gratitude, like other things, takes practice.
In the meantime, take a deep breath and give yourself a minute by saying "Let me think about how I want to phrase this...". Almost always you can come up with something small but meaningful like the person returning an email in a way that felt prompt to you or (if at home) eating with gusto (I appreciate the way you enjoyed your dad's/my cooking today).
It might be helpful to remember that we are not aiming for the best appreciation of the day award - just wanting to share one small way someone has contributed to your world and hear back one small way you have done the same.
It gets easier over time.
It's true - one of the benefits of the daily Appreciation ritual is that it seems to be strengthening and stretching our gratitude muscles.
As one example, for the first 6 months of us doing this ritual during our family dinners, our 2.5 yr old would do the same exact appreciation every day: "Mommy, thank you for sitting next to me today." I would always try to accept this graciously and someone else would usually add an "extra" appreciation for me at the end of the round.Then, after about half a year of this, her appreciations began to shift into expressions of gratitude about all kinds of things, from her brother playing with her to getting hugs from dad to the yummy meal on her plate.
It might be that this was simply a matter of her developing and getting older - except, I have also felt that my ease and ability to notice contributions and voice them is improving with practice.
I invite you to try this practice in your home, workplace, or committee and to stick with it for at least a few meetings/meals.
The real effect for us has been additive and gradual, weaving itself into our ways of seeing each other and being together over time.
And that's something worth appreciating!”
Tweak
Appreciate appreciation. Don’t be afraid to let your loved ones know how much you value their appreciation and how they show it.... it helps water those seeds and make them grow
Question
Who in your inner circle can you begin to thank for something they do automatically... perhaps your husband for taking out the trash? ..... your kids for cleaning their rooms even though they are expected to? Your carpool partner for picking you up?
Thoughts
“What appreciation is all about is the act of recognizing the best in people. Like real estate
appreciates in value, you’re increasing the perceived value people have of themselves.” - David Cooperrider
“If you can read this, thank a teacher.” - Anon
“As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.” - John Fitzgerald Kennedy
Tidbits
A 10-year study of 200,000 managers and employees suggests that praising people for a job well done may lead to bigger profits, says Fortune's Anne Fisher: http://money.cnn.com/2007/04/11/news/economy/annie_praise.fortune/index.htm
The Value of Saying Thank You (another one): http://blogs.ups.edu/cesblogs/2010/02/19/the-value-of-saying-thank-you/
Treat
Showing appreciation: Who’s packing your parachute? http://www.flyingsolo.com.au/live-smarter/business-psychology/showing-appreciation-whos-packing-your-parachute
"The moral of showing appreciation for the impact others have on your life is ably demonstrated by the story of Charles Plumb. 27 Nov 05 | Grant Hyman
Charles Plumb was a U.S. Navy jet pilot who served in Vietnam. One day, he and his wife were in a restaurant when a man came up and said, "You're Plumb, aren't you? You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk and you were shot down!"
“How in the world did you know that?" asked Plumb.
"I packed your parachute." the man replied. Plumb gasped in surprise and gratitude. The man pumped his hand and said, "I guess it worked!"
Plumb assured him, "It sure did. If your chute hadn't worked, I wouldn't be here today."
Plumb couldn't sleep that night, thinking about the man who had had his fate in his hands. “I wonder how many times I might have seen him and not even said 'Good morning, how are you?' or anything because, you see, I was a fighter pilot and he was just a sailor."
Here are ways of showing appreciation to the people who make a difference to you.
Say ‘thank you’ and mean it!
“When you're in a café, make eye contact with the wait staff and say thanks – it can make a difference to their day. ”When you're in a café, make eye contact with the wait staff and say thanks – it can make a difference to their day. In fact I find the best place to interview people for jobs is in a café. You can learn a lot about people's behaviour when you watch how they treat the wait staff.
Do you have a friend in need?
There's an old saying “to have a friend, be a friend” and I'll never forget the toughest meeting I ever had. I’d got out of touch with an old mate and although I knew he was seriously ill, I made excuses not to visit him. Next thing I knew I was giving the eulogy at his funeral. The toughest meeting I ever had was when I visited his Mum a month later - it was obvious that if I could visit her, I could have visited him and helped 'pack his parachute'. It’s fair say that my parachute stayed empty for a while.
Recognise when your parachute’s being packed!
People who are outwardly successful but are unhappy privately are often that way because they never stop to count their blessings. Don’t forget all the things you have to be thankful for.
Pack your own parachute…
Giving really is its own reward. We could share the load with a friend, whilst having a coffee. We could donate some time to benefit a charity or our local community. We could be good to ourselves by having a bag with cossies and a towel in the boot, in case we have the chance to have a swim during the day.
Use your spare time to be a good friend
Instead of sitting in the traffic, getting frustrated because nothing’s happening, why not make a quick phone call to a friend to see if they need help to pack their parachute?
Let's give the last word to Charles Plumb:
"Sometimes in the daily challenges that life gives us, we miss what is really important. We may fail to say hello, please or thank you, congratulate someone on something wonderful that has happened to them, give a compliment, or just do something nice for no reason.
As you go through this week, this month, this year, recognise people who pack your parachutes."
21 Ways to Say Thank You: http://www.beliefnet.com/Inspiration/2010/10/21-Ways-to-Say-Thank-You.aspx
In Sum
Thank you so much for participating in our Love Yourself Lovely program. You are truly valued and appreciated <3
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